Dealing With OMIF Syndrome

Those of use who suffer with any type of a disability (and many of those who do not) have at some point in our life come into contact with someone who suffers from OMIF (Open Mouth Insert Foot) Syndrome. 

An encounter with people inflicted with the OMIF  Syndrome often has more of an adverse affect on us than it does them.  The most detrimental side effect is that it is known to rapidly induce stress, raise the blood pressure and trigger the "Flight or Fight" response in us. It is highly recommended that you avoid  exposure to this injurious contaminate.  Within minutes of coming in contact with this negativity you must be prepared to flee from them or firmly plant your feet and stand your ground. The difficulty lies in being able to recognize these people prior to exposure. 

How to Recognize the OMIF Syndrome in others:

•  Hostile and Antagonistic - They usually turn conversations into an inquisition. It quickly becomes a severe questioning, or more of an investigation, conducted with very little regard for the individual rights of others.
•  Lacks Empathy - Displays a warped view or lack of understanding for the other persons condition or disability.
• Opinionated - Rapidly, and usually erroneously, makes their own diagnosis of another persons condition, or lack of one as they decide the case may be.
• Verbally Abusive- Insensitively states their own offensive opinion to the person with a chronic illness or a disability, and then goes about announcing their negative opinion of it to others behind your back knowing and not caring that it will get back to you.
• Lack of Compassion- Being blessed with good health they show a lack of compassion to others who have not been that fortunate.
• Judgmental- Feels they have the right to judge you and make statements on how you need to "snap out of it" because it's not real, it's just in all in your mind.

Just recently I had a personal encounter with a "friend" and simply by of the Grace of God (OK that and the knowledge that even as a Christian I could do jail time if I did physically "lay hands" on that person) I was able to kindly and calmly explain my personal health conditions and why it was necessary that I was and would continue to be under medical treatment for them. Which in all honesty, I must say it was really none of their business and actually quite rude of them to ask and demand an explaination. Seriously, does it make any sense that if the "Mind Over Matter" theory did work that I would have had to under go heart (pacemaker), knee and other surgery's? Do they truly believe that all Doctors could or would be talked into treating an imaginary affliction? I resent the implication of being construed as a hypochondriac. 

If I had a dollar for every time I was asked "Are you sure you're not just not depressed?" I would be a wealthy woman. Truth be told I AM depressed AFTER a conversation like this! Who wouldn't be? Besides, someone suffering from depression DOES NOT need to hear statements like this. It would be more appropriate to say "I've noticed you seem a little down today, is there anything I can do for you?" Or even "How can I help?"

If you have the misfortune of being afflicted with OMIF Syndrome allow me to take a few minutes of your time to offer you a few suggestions to aid in your own recovery:

• Speak kindness - If your words will cause pain to another, please refrain from voicing them. In the words of a wise rabbit named Thumper (in the Disney movie Bambi) "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." 

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." ~ Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

" But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law." ~ Galatians 5: 22-23 (NIV)

• Show compassion - Our lives are difficult enough, and the world is often harsh. We all need to have family and friends who are sympathetic, understanding and supportive. 

 "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." ~ Colossians 3:12 (NIV)

• Chose your words wisely - Or as the saying goes "Always season your words with salt, for tomorrow you may have to eat them." Without adding seasoning or salt our food would be too bland and tasteless when consumed. Words do have the power to build up or tear down, to encourage or discourage, to help or to harm another person. How will your words be used?

 "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." ~ Colossians 4:6 (NIV)  

• Encourage and support others- Dealing with chronic pain, illness, or disabilities is discouraging as we struggle to work through our daily obstacles and stresses. Don't underestimate the value of even one encouraging word that is spoken, it may make a big impact on the one receiving it.

 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up." ~ I Thessalonians 5:11  (NIV)

• Don't be judgmental - Why is it that we are so quick to assign labels and make judgement calls on others before we know them or their situation?

 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."  ~ Matthew 7:1-2 (NIV)

• Remember the Golden Rule:  Do unto others what you would want them to do unto you.  Picture yourself in the situation of that other person and then treat them the way you would want them to treat you.

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you." ~ Matthew 7:12 (NIV)

For several years I was an active member (and former President) of the Rotary Club in Grand Blanc, Michigan. At each meeting we would recite the Rotary motto called The Four Way Test.

The Four-Way Test of the things we think, say or do.

1st- Is it the truth?
2nd - Is it fair to all concerned?
3rd - Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
4th - Will it be beneficial to all concerned?


This creed is meant to be used as a code of ethics, and as a gage, or measure for us as we make our own personal decisions and choice of actions. To serve as a daily reminder for us to stop and think about how our words, actions, and even our reactions can help or harm another person. I've seen similar status messages posted on Facebook, and I am always reminded how fitting this is, if only we could all simply apply it to our personal, business and professional lives as well.

Today it seems as if society as a whole is more focused on the "me" and we forget about all  others. The daily niceties such has holding doors open for another to pass through first, saying please and thank you, and greeting others, even strangers, we encounter with a smile and a hello have been replaced with rudeness, obscene language and hand gestures as we shove others out of the way in order to get there first or faster. 

Our actions do speak louder than words. What are the lessons we are teaching our youth? For they are the future generation and will learn from our examples. 

 "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." ~ Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

So as I work daily on learning to be more intentional in showing kindness and tolerance, (especially to those with OMIF Syndrome) I ask that in return they learn to "Pay It Forward" and show the same kindness and tolerance to the rest of us. Because when you think about it all of us have some type of a disability. A disability is only what we have and not who we are!

Wishing you much kindness, open doors, warm greetings and big smiles, even from strangers, for they just might become future friends!

Blessings! :)

Once Upon A Mattress -Sleepless due to pain

In the 2005 Disney TV Movie "Once Upon A Mattress" (which is adapted from the Hans Christian Anderson story of the "Princess And The Pea") the Queen proposes a test to reveal if her son's intended is indeed a Princess. Not wanting her son to marry, the Queen places a pea under twenty mattresses to see if the so called Princess will be able to sleep. Princess Winifred has a sleepless night and complains of being black and blue, thus passing the test.

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PL5D1DCB3874AD396C&v=MKNOMSbQUSE&NR=1&feature=endscreen

I may not be a real life Princess, but I have had more than my share of sleepless nights. For many of us who suffer with chronic pain our nights consist of tossing and turning and waking up feeling tired and black and blue. I have checked and I am happy to report that I did not find a pea under my mattress.

"People who suffer from chronic pain often find that their problems are compounded by the additional difficulties that come with insomnia and sleeping disorders. Of those who report experiencing chronic pain (about 15% of the general U.S. population and 50% of the elderly), approximately 65% report having sleep disorders, such as disrupted or non-restorative sleep.

The term "insomnia" includes all types of sleeping problems, such as difficulty falling asleep, staying sleep, and wakening earlier and more often than desired. Of all medical conditions, pain is the number one cause of insomnia."

Source:  http://www.spine-health.com/wellness/sleep/chronic-pain-and-insomnia-breaking-cycle
By: William W. Deardoff, PhD, ABPP


Think about your usual bed time ritual.  In getting ready for bed, it is common to try to eliminate all distractions in order to relax and begin to fall asleep. This includes quieting the room, closing the shades, turning off the lights, radio, cell phone or TV, and trying to get comfortable.

But for chronic pain sufferers these are the "pea" under the mattress, the very things that can cause us problems since the only thing left for the brain to focus on is the experience of pain. During the day (and the sleepless nights) these "distractions" are the primary pain management tools we use.  Which explains why you see me on-line or posting during the "wee" hours before dawn and catch me dozing off or napping during the day. I'm not depressed or lazy... I'm bone weary tired!

Because of the pain the quality of sleep is very light and un-refreshing. This "non-restorative" sleep pattern can and does cause lack of or diminished energy, fatigue, depressed moods, and worse pain during the day. It's a viscous cycle comparable to running in a hamster wheel burning off your all of your energy and yet not making any progress. (or losing any weight.)

Then there are the "Psychological" approaches which suggest the "mind over matter" aspect that can help to "override" or "re-balance" pain signals with more pleasant, sleep-inducing thoughts. A few of the techniques are:

• Hypnosis, which can help a patient associate certain actions with sleep such as turning off lights or closing doors and drapes. (You are getting sleepy, sleepy, nope I'm hungry. Guess it doesn't work for me)
• Visualization of something peaceful or relaxing, like clouds in a night sky, can be a good transition from the stressful day to a more restful nighttime. (I'm on a tropical beach, slathering on the sunscreen, did someone say shark?)
• Meditation or other relaxation practices that incorporate deep breathing and aim to free or compartmentalize feelings of stress in the body. (Breath in and out, in and out, in and out. Just my luck I ended up hyperventilating!)
• If worrying is a major deterrent to sleep, try “forced worrying”. Several hours before bedtime create a brief period of time (15 minutes or so) to write down worries. Then leave the room where you wrote down the worries, and if worrying recurs, remind yourself that you will have time to think about these worries tomorrow. (This one is not for me, I've learned to give all my worries to God. After all, He already knows the final outcome!)

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" ~ Luke 12:25 (NIV)

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  ~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

I don't mean to discount any of the above techniques. Use what works best for you. Personally, I have found the most effective technique for me is Prayer. When we focus on praising God and praying for others it take our focus off ourselves and our pain. Besides Satan will use any means to divert our attention from God and this usually means I fall asleep...the only way to shut me up!

Those of us with chronic pain and illnesses suffer more than people see on the outside. Even as Christians we at times have lost hope, or faith. We need God help to hold us up during the daily struggles of life. 

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and to be with your forever- the Spirit in truth. The world cannot accept him because it neither sees him or knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you."~ John 14:16-17 (NIV)

Jesus told us He would send us the Holy Spirit to be our counselor, our helper and our comforter. This is exactly what hurting people need - a counselor, a helper and a comforter.  We especially need wisdom and clarity of thought as we seek treatment and make medical decisions. He has the power to do what no person can do for themselves....bring healing miracles and cures and turn the impossibilities into possibilities!

Praying for your comfort, wisdom as you seek answers, hope for the future and healing miracles to turn your impossibilities into possibilities!

Blessings! :)

RESPECT - for those with disabilities

Arthea Franklin is well know for the song Respect. Come on and sing the lyrics: 

RESPECT
Find out what it means to me
RESPECT
Take care, T C B
Oh, a little respect
Yeah baby, I want a little respect
Now, I get tired, but I keep on trying'
Runnin' out of foolin', I ain't lyin'
Yes, respect all I need is respect

Source: http://www.metrolyrics.com/respect-lyrics-aretha-franklin.html 

We have all heard and sung the lyrics and maybe even related them to relationships we were in. I think we can all agree that every one of us wants and deserves respect; from our peers, our employers, even our families. But do we apply that same principle to others? Have we considered how that may relate to them? Especially those with chronic illness or pain, disabilities, hidden disabilities or those suffering from depression or mental illnesses.

For they are the ones that need the respect, encouragement and support the most! Often their friends, family and employers dismiss them, avoid them, or belittle them for being lazy, lying, being over dramatic or accuse them of being a hypochondriac.

For those suffering with chronic pain and illness we just assume they are suffering from depression and should just "snap out of it." Trust me, if you had to "walk a mile in their shoes" you would be depressed!

"Patients with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome have an exquisite understanding of the pain, both physical pain and emotional anguish, associated with having a poorly understood, incurable disease. "When you start hearing there is no hope, no treatment, and no cure over and over, you lose your will to fight," wrote Jan Murphy in a eulogy read at her funeral. "What most people saw of me was a shell of what was going on inside."

However, there is evidence that chronic pain and illness put patients at risk for suicide. An illness like fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, which is often doubted or neglected by the medical community, the public, and sometimes family and friends, can present unique problems. Patients with fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome can become victims of isolation and despair.

Secondary depression is a well-know symptom of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome and is common with any type of chronic pain. Sufferers depend on a variety of sources of support, including pain management, psychological support, and financial support. When one of these essential needs remain unmet over a long periods of time, it is possible for patients to believe that their situation is hopeless.

Anyone who has suffered with fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome knows that it requires a huge adjustment, not only to the illness itself but to all the consequences it has on our lives. Chronic illness is likely to affect the way sufferers live, the way they see themselves, and how they relate to others. With the present state of world events, many people are feeling additional tension, anxiety, or sadness. But suffering with severe depression may be unnecessary. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, it's essential that you know you don't have to go it alone. Suicide is preventable, and there are a variety of resources that can provide the support you need."

Source: http://www.cfidsselfhelp.org/library/killing-me-softly-fmcfs-suicide By Lisa Lorden Myers 

I have been blessed with a great support unit of family & friends, as well as medical professionals who understand and continue to research new medicines and treatments to help to manage by health issues. I can relate to the loss of identity, isolation, limits to my activities and the financial strain that has been put on me and my family due to my chronic illness.

Often my friends, many who also share the same or similar health issues, and I have commented on how we never would be able to cope, deal with, and survive these issues without our deep abiding faith in God. It has given me a new awareness and compassion for others, as well as a deep empathy and respect for the struggles they are going through. 

Respect and understanding play a key role and can be a big factor in their daily struggle. If we each will reach out to one other person to help, encourage and support them what a miraculous affect and effective change we could make in their life, regardless of if that person was ill or healthy.

"How wonderful it is that nobody need to wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." ~ Ann Frank

I challenge each and every one of you to take a closer look at those around you and make it your personal priority to respect, understand and encourage someone each day; especially those dealing with chronic illnesses. Just knowing that someone truly cares and respects them for what they are going through could make a world of difference to them. And please remember to uphold them in your prayers.

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying (interceding) for all the Lord’s people." ~ Ephesians 6:18 (NIV)

To "intercede" means, "to stand in the gap on behalf of another." For example: when an attorney stands before a judge on behalf of a client, he is interceding, pleading and standing in the gap in defense of another person. This is one of the most powerful actions we can undertake for another is to "stand in the gap" for them!

Wishing you respect, good health and daily encouragement as you travel through life!

Blessings! :)